Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hippo gnu deer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
