on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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