I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize