He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
