mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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