I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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