Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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