Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
