she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
