there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
