does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
