I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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