and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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