I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
