I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
