Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
