a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
