I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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