We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
