Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
