I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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