walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
