if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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