How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize