Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
