It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
