Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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