her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
