Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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