My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
