Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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