they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
