its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
