Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
