if you like me you must not know who I am
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
