you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
