i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
