then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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