since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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