Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
