You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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