You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
