I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
