At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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