right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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