She is in my trunk
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
