cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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