Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
