I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
