you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
