Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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