Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
