nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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